Being Ahead vs. Being Behind

There is a huge difference between feeling ahead of people in a certain category versus feeling that you are behind the average person in that category.  This separating point can be the difference between being motivated to continue and being continually frustrated.  There are two parts to the description of this: preventing getting behind where it matters and coping with being behind if already in that state.


Taking Action Is Synonymous With Being Ahead

When you are ahead of the average person in a category, you set the tone.  Is a person pro-active because they are ahead of the pack, or are they ahead of the pack because they are proactive?  This question does not need to be answered because the valuable point is that there is a direct connection between being ahead and pro-activeness, and taking action is the only part that you have control over.

Getting Ahead Has To Come From You

Being ahead of the average person in some aspect can provide a positive feeling with respect to how others then treat you.  A key point to notice is that others will slightly commend you for being ahead, but will not push you to remain ahead.  This is something that is often not noticed until you are no longer ahead.  Being ahead of 40 others means that 40 others are wanting you to slow down.  You may get some slight support at that time, but you will not get enough support to stay ahead if you don’t supply the majority of it.  If you then start to get behind, you may start to get pity and support from others, but it will be just enough to seem respectful.  Also, some may not even provide you that, and you may not hear from them again.

It’s Lonely Up There

When they say that the top people in a field are “alone at the top”, they mean it in this sense.  They are alone in providing their own effort and results to maintain their position.  Any top member of a field knows that their production has to come from the inside out, as opposed to being motivated by supporters, because the motivation from supporters will never be enough on its own to keep someone at the top.

No Need To Showcase Being Behind

It is said that one wanting to be successful should “fake it until you make it”.  This also applies when you have gotten behind.  If you are behind the pack, but act and take risks as though you are ahead of or in line with the pack, you will return to a propitious state much sooner than if you first broadcast to the world that you are falling apart.  Also, competitors will repeatedly bring up that you fell apart at one point, in order to reduce your forward momentum.

Use An Area Of Domination To Prop Up An Area That Is Lacking

Another aspect of this dichotomy is that while you may be behind in one aspect, you may also be ahead in another.  Take the item you are ahead in and present it


, and use any energy/motivation you get from that to boost your efforts in the aspect you are behind in.  Some would say that you should only focus on your areas of strength, in order to boost them to indomitable levels; while this can be a victorious way to go, it tends to be the case that a little effort put towards something you are currently behind in can get you to a satisfactory point

in that aspect, so that you can cross it off in your mind as


, and then work on that which you are ahead in.

The take-home task here would be to

  1. check where you are ahead and where you are behind
  2. think a bit about how people treat you in each category, and
  3. think how you would be


    if you went from ahead to behind in some category

This can help you to get more in line with


about where your support actually is.




From, the CEO of the company Cisco said that, without exception, all of the large mistakes he made in his career came as a result of moving too slowly.  This could have been in relation to making decisions, taking action, trying out an idea, communicating with another person, testing a new plan, or any other item that is time-based.  His quote sends a strong message to those that want to swiftly improve since, in all his years of building businesses and dealing with company-members, he said that his most consequential mistakes came from taking action late.

Good Ideas Are Fleeting

An idea comes to your mind.  It tends to only be an appealing idea because your mind tells you it is currently advantageous to put it to use.  If you act on it within your local time frame, these advantages usually materialize and rewards follow.  However, if you take that idea, and then drag out an action on it over an extended time frame, working on it in small bits each time, the advantages that would have come from doing so early on may then no longer be present.

Cut Off Slow Movement

This leads to the next point, which is: if you see yourself progressing through an action too slowly, cut it off right there, because you are not naturally motivated to perform it, and it may end up becoming one of your largest mistakes.  If someone told you you could avoid a huge mistake in your efforts, you would probably be glad for the foresight.  This foresight is present in your own thoughts once you recognize the signals of a problematic procedure.

Implementation Is Key

If one person has ten great ideas and implements none of them, and another person only has one great idea and implements it, the person who actually implemented the one idea will obtain rewards, even though the other person had an abundance of ideas.  In the same way, it is better to be a person progressing quickly through an idea that won’t actually work out, than to be a person barely progressing on a fantastic process.  The person progressing quickly through a failure of an idea will learn what the problems were much sooner and are more likely to find a successful path.

Only Two Successful Options

Let’s say you see yourself moving very slowly on some action.  You only have two options that bring you positive results.  One is to quit the action and switch to one that you can start flying through.  The other option is to change your attitude or habit towards the action, in order to bring about moving results.  If there isn’t always something new coming up, you are probably moving too slowly.  One might say that another option is to leave things as they are, but that option leads down the path of time thrown out the window.

Keeping Your Thinking Ability Up To Par

The mind is meant to be continually processing new attempts, environmental conditions, and social plans.  If a reasonably large risk isn’t being processed at some time, it is likely that some thoughts need to be rearranged so that priorities are back in order.  A mind that is left unused while moving slowly through a project is a mind that will be hard to kick back into high-processing gear when you want to return to past levels of effort.

Example: Conference Call Idea

As an example, let’s say you have an idea to get five certain people together in a conference call, in order to record a group discussion that you will then release.  At first, this idea is exciting to you because it would put you in a positive position.  Here are some possibilities that could occur if you move too slowly in bringing the idea to reality:

  1. another person gets the idea, and implements it before you, making your version seem like a copy-cat effort
  2. your idea starts to seem old and ill-fitting with changing times
  3. you get into a disagreement with one of the five people so that there would be no way he would participate, and the idea no longer has value with just the other four taking part
  4. your motivation diminishes as you have kept putting off the effort, and end up questioning your own thinking of it as a good idea
  5. an important change occurs in your life that makes this plan no longer appealing

Reason after reason will pop up to cut off a project if it is moved upon too slowly.  You can use this information to either cut off a project that would end up mainly wasting time or to remind yourself to keep it steadily moving along the way so that the problems of stagnancy don’t start to show up.


People Think Of You

Are You Shy Here is What People Think Of You

Finally Revealed: What People Think Of You

Are you ready for the truth? Are you sure you’re ready? Because it might surprise you to find out what people actually think in their minds, about YOU…

Well, here is the answer: NOTHING


Nothing. I’ll tell you more about this “shocking” thing in a minute. But for now, know this…

People probably can’t remember you, here is why

If you’re shy and don’t talk too much, people can’t remember anything you say or do.They have no “memory” of you. No sound, no pictures or no feelings.

Think of someone who talks a little loud and is always noticed wherever he goes. Can you remember an obvious gesture he made or a loud thing he or she said? If you can remember someone like that so easily, then now you know why people get remembered: they express themselves logically and emotionally.

That’s why you can never forget the loudest most popular people in school. They seemed to do things that you couldn’t ignore. You always knew they were “there”. On the flip side, the quiet ones, who didn’t talk to anybody are completely forgotten.

If you stay shy and quiet, nobody will remember who you are because you actually don’t SHOW,… who you are. If you want people to remember you, express yourself! Share your emotions and opinions.

Here is why people “don’t care” about your haircut, your clothes, how cool you are or anything

Guess who’s everyone’s favorite radio station? “WII FM” (What’s in it for me). Research even found that “I” is the most used word in phone conversations.

Let me ask a couple of questions: Do you find yourself wondering what people think of you? Do you find yourself trying to guess who’s criticizing or admiring you? When you choose what to wear, do you find yourself wondering what others might think of it?

Let me ask you another question :

is it possible that everyone else is just like that?

Hmm, the answer is YES. People only care about THEIR social standing and how THEY are perceived by others.

And even if they evaluate others, they do it to compare themselves. Even weirder, people tell themselves stories about how everyone else is not as cool or good as they are.

People like James Lebron, Mark Zuckerberg or Mike Tyson who accomplished GREAT things in life are perceived as “losers” or “Evil” by some people who want to feel superior.

I can share with you more weird stuff about how people think but remember this: people don’t care, and even if they do, it’s either an inaccurate judgment or a way for them to feel superior.

Is it possible that you’re coming across as Cold, Aloof and Selfish?

Now that we know a little about what people think of you as an individual, let’s talk about how you’re coming across socially.

Do you show interest in people?

People are constantly looking for ways to look better and be perceived as valuable. If you don’t show interest in them, it’s as if you’re saying “Hey, you spent years working on your social skills and perfecting the way you present yourself, but you know what? You’re not interesting, you still stink !!”

Am I saying that you need to show interest in everyone just so they don’t get angry? No.

I say that you should at least smile at people. If you’re shy, chances are, you’re not smiling at anybody. You’re too busy thinking about what people are thinking of you. You’re so focused on yourself that you’re not even smiling, talking or showing any interest in anybody. People don’t take it lightly if they repeatedly get ignored by you.

And, by merely smiling, you make them feel good, and that alone gets them to think of you as someone who is a “giver”.

If you’re shy, start smiling at people. That’s the least you can do.

Do you have an “I don’t need anybody” attitude?

We humans believe that our dependence on each other is vital. So if you ignore people, you portray a message saying “I don’t need to make friends with you because I don’t think I will ever need you”. And that enrages some people and some of them can even look for ways to sabotage you at work or in school.

If you think you can fly alone and don’t need anybody. Let me save you many years of frustration, research and reading by telling you that: you’re wrong 🙂

If you want to accomplish anything in life, or gain power, you need other people.

If you’re not giving-and-taking, sharing stories, insight, help, people will think you’re selfish. It means you keep your stuff to yourself.

If you want to live a great life, share your life with people. Make a habit of connecting with people and figuring out how YOU can help THEM. At least, you’ll find out if they deserve your time and energy.

How To Overcome Shyness

So, how do we move that cloud over you that is called shyness?

Decide to take your Social Life Seriously

How many hours in a week do you spend thinking about your social life, contacting people, going out to make new friends?

If the answer is “not many”, then you’re doing yourself a HUGE disservice.

We work our work, we work at our bodies (if we overcome our laziness) but not at our social lives. That’s how we grew up. When the weekend arrives, people think of ways to have some quick fun. Not on how to enrich their social life, meet new people, make new introductions and learn new social skills.

That’s the opportunity that we have: Learn this stuff and enjoy the “unfair advantage” that it gives: power, success, and social connection.

A technique to get you started

Here is a technique I learned and practiced successfully to get rid of hesitation and shyness. By the way, it works for the short term AND the long term. So even if you’ll use it just to get an instant result, it will also make you less shy and more confident in the future. Here you go :

  1. Close your eyes and imagine a “version” of you that is naturally social and has little or no shyness. No hesitation, just a smile in his face. Imagine that BOLD version of you… how does he carry his body… what type of body position and look he has…?
  2. Imagine that bold version of you floating in the air and getting closer to your body. Slowly, he gets integrated with your body to be a permanent part of you.
  3. Imagine yourself behaving boldly and confidently in a situation that used to make you feel shy. Then, imagine yourself behaving boldly in another situation. Then a third situation.

Try this now, you’ll feel the power instantly. Remember, this is an exercise to repeat EACH time you need some confidence and boldness. (before going out of the house, before meeting some new friends, before going to talk to a girl,… etc)

I share another technique on one of my articles here: How To Overcome Shyness

I wish you a lot of luck and I hope to have another opportunity to talk to you.

Have a great (social) life! 😉

A Robot

Are You More ‘Alive’ Than A Robot

There are many “how-to” articles on the internet.  Many of them are intuitive ones that answer questions.  Some examples are “how to make spaghetti” and “how to grow a fruit tree“.

There are also many that deal with people-to-people interactions, like “how to make friends” or “how to get the man of your dreams” or “how to be persuasive”, and these indirectly say a lot about how people are viewed.  If people are as simple to work with as spaghetti, then that says that there is more of a stimulus-response effect going on than is normally assumed.

A Step Towards Reverse Engineering Life

Very recently, the first synthetic life form was created by Craig V enter and his team, and it was a defining moment in scientific efforts.  This had not been done before.  This says a lot about humanity and what people represent as living organisms.  The way that Dr. V enter speaks about the organism he created is like he is talking about a created computer program.  He talks about it booting up to life and being able to reproduce.  This is a signal that can be taken as a message about our own functioning.

As Dr. V enter and his scientific group work on finding out the smallest amount of necessary genes and elements for creating a reproducing organism, the perspectives of many folks will change.  Many folks are not interested in hearing that their growth and actions are so based off of their own programming.  It is not appealing to hear that so much of our presence is based on stimulus and response patterns related to our genes.

With the research continuing, teams of scientists will slowly be able to create reproducing life of many types, figuring out what genes are necessary for living, and which ones can be added as enhancements, and what we can alter in our own code in the future.

Information Was Placed Into The Code Like In A Program

Dr. V enter and his team also made sure to put in some code into the genetic code of the synthetically created organism they made, including some names and quotes.  The fact that information can be coded into the genetic code shows how far research has come.  This is a big step toward the future where organisms are designed to create compounds which we are able to use, or that produce fuel, or that consume some form of waste, or that consume excess carbon dioxide, or so on.

This Is A Step Towards More

This will also later translate into perfecting the types of organisms we already have, because the potential for certain diseases or afflictions will be removed, and then things that are nuisances will be removed, and this process will continue as each genetic code gets more and more enhanced.  It is somewhat of a form of sped-up evolution.

There are a lot of advertising methods that prey on those who don’t see themselves as being people that mainly follow stimulus-response mechanisms.  When you feel like you are very intelligent, which most do, it is hard to believe that you can be hit by certain triggers that cause you to buy things without thinking much.

This type of discovery means so much because a new age is beginning.  Just as we have had computers and programs and software and viruses, this is the introduction to the age of cellular programs and software and viruses.  While it will take a time to get to the point where ‘cool’ cellular entities are created, a large step has been taken.

Perspective About Life Can Change Often

This information getting out there means quite a bit to me because people will be opened up to a better sense of what life is.  Knowledge opens the mind by clearing up any items that we were wrong about.  It is easy to be against some viewpoint until it is proven that the viewpoint is correct, and then it looks foolish to be against it.  This is what research brings to the table.

The question that is the title of this article is one worth pondering.  Again, I would say, no advertiser would even hint at this, because much of advertising tries to give the notion that people have so much life and are at the beach and so on, in order to sell product, when actually every step of the commercial or advertising is engineered to acquire purchases from the customers as though they were robotic.

I may have rambled a bit here but I wanted to get some of my thoughts across.

Just Making Ideas

Are You Making Ideas Happen Or Just Making Ideas

I was recently provided with a new book to read and review, and it is called Making Ideas Happen, and it was written by Scott Bel sky. I like its title and cover design. Regarding the cover design, there is a jigsaw texture throughout it, and I would describe it more, but you can see it in the image.

The book does a lot to discuss ideas and their execution. One good thing about a book such as this is that it reminds you of one idea or another that you have yet to implement, and makes you think about why you have not done so, with time passing by. Scientists and entrepreneurs and public figures have become our role models by taking an idea or two all the way through to execution. There is no reason we can’t do the same.

Taking An Idea To Completion

A section of the book about execution has one part about completion, which discusses what Seth Go din does to do well. Go din mentions that every time we are about to release something we have produced, or ship it, “the lizard brain speaks up” and makes us doubt what we are doing, making shipping a good idea not occur.

This is quite important. Between two people, one who is a perfectionist, and one who ignores that internal resistance to releasing their creation, the latter will have the most success. If Jay-Z was nervous enough about releasing his lyrics to the world that he chose to not produce so many songs, he would not be the superstar he is today. The same is true with the person who has an efficiency idea at a computer company. A bunch of ideas is what I would call “lost ideas”, as they are held by the people who had them, and the world won’t get to see them implemented or even mentioned.

Taking whatever you are doing to completion is the main goal. I once read a quote that said that 49 out of 50 things that are started aren’t completed. That might be a high estimate, but it does make you think of how many things you start and then stop part-way through because of fear of the results or outcome.

Team Accomplishment

There is a great message in the section called “Harnessing The Forces Around You” that says “If you work in isolation as a Dreamer, your ideas will swiftly come and go without accountability and stimulation from others.” I agree with this. Idea implementation doesn’t work well at all if we remain in a social vacuum. Whatever our idea is, in some regard, it involves others, so not including them along the way, or in the final creation, disregards their presence. It is like planting a tree and ignoring the need for nutrient-rich soil, ample sunlight, adequate watering, and so on. Others are always a part of the equation, so they should always be a part of your equation.

Sharing Idea Ownership

One other section of the book discusses sharing ownership of your ideas. It mentions that “people only obsess about ideas when they feel a sense of ownership.” Only the smartest and internally strongest individuals are the ones who give away some of the control of some of their ideas. It takes a smart person to realize that an idea is way more likely to be implemented when multiple people are also on board and that the best way to get others on board is to give them some ownership of it or position of power related to it. Most are too selfish to give away any control, and so ideas are squandered in that way as well.

The ideas you have are the only ones you have to work with. Make one or two of them happen, and you can really impress others, or have a large impact.

A Personal Story – And The Question

The other day I finally gathered enough courage to do it. I sent an email to my college boyfriend of over a decade ago and promptly asked for my copy of The Fountainhead back. He borrowed my copy never to return it. The copy of a book I had read in high school in the span of 2 weeks, a book that left me with an indelible impression, the book I had underlined, written in, and slept with and lost much sleep over. I wanted it back. And only that copy would do.

When my mom went on her recent trip back to our home country of Iran, I asked for the strangest souvenir. I wanted her to find any shred of my childhood, things we had left behind without knowing we shall not return to them. Anything tangible. Anything at all.

And when I lost the special emerald and diamond ring which my grandparents had purchased from their Japan trip in the 1950s, handed down to me from my Mom, I looked for it everywhere. For weeks, for months, for years, I looked in every inch of our old house and still held out hope. When we finally moved, I knew that I will never see that ring again. And today I can still feel myself ache for it.

So does all of this make me a materialistic person? Perhaps. But what of it? We hear so much about how materialism is a negative energy, and that life is fleeting, we should not hold on to things. In philosophy, in religion, in spirituality, and even in some self-improvement journeys, we are likely to hear the importance of detachment to a materialistic world.

There is merit in living free of all attachment to things but for most of us, if subscribed to that theory, we would either have to live outside of modern society or else we would be juggling guilt and pleasure while balancing life in a materialistic world.

Neither option is very appealing, and both are quite unnecessary.

I believe living with attachments in a materialistic world can bring us happiness and fulfillment, and it can serve us well if we have the right perspective, values, and intentions.

Attachments To Different Types Of Materialism

Not all material things are created equal, and not all people have similar likes, especially in a world of whirlwind commerce and merchandise. Our tastes and preferences greatly vary but that is immaterial (no pun intended!) to our happiness of material things. Perspective, values, and intention are all that matter in creating either a constructive or destructive materialist reality around us, regardless of type!

With the right mindset, we can turn any materialism into a constructive means to achieve a better life for ourselves, our community and the society around us. Let’s explore 4 types of materialism:

All Things From Childhood Memories

I think most of us can appreciate tangibles from our childhood. Memories left in a box, in an attic or in my case, in a different country on the other side of the world! These items can have a powerful effect on us. They can be therapeutic and restorative since they remind us of when we were pure innocence. We can let them bring us closer to our childhood, to our beginning, and remind us of the past, and of the miracle of time and growth. By the same token, over-accumulation of anything can lose sight of initial purpose. Those of us who hold on to absolutely everything over the course of our lives must find ways to let go, to be selective and to refuse to accumulate clutter in our houses or our minds.

All Things Mementos And Souvenirs

The things we collect over time in our travels and adventures through life can be quite attachable. I am usually nursing an unusual attachment to souvenirs from foreign lands, regardless of their perceived or actual value. My attachment to these items is by association. I simply associate travel memories to them and feel fulfilled to have brought a piece of the far away land back home with me. But sometimes, this can become obsessive. Purchasing a souvenir everywhere even if the available options go against my standards and likes does not serve me well. Souvenirs for the sake of souvenirs can never have that special appeal. It’s important to be true to ourselves and not forsake values for force of habit

All Things Brand Name

I have only recently allowed myself the luxury of some brand names. My main reason is the quality. But brand names are a complex psychology and quality alone is not always a sensible reason. In Japan, Gucci, Armani, Louis Vuitton and Chanel define a person’s status in society. To a slightly lesser degree, brand names speak volumes about one’s social status in Iran. In the workplace and for teenagers, brand names can carry a lot of peer pressure. Brand names can entice some of us to fall into compulsive buying behaviors but we can opt in for more grounded reasons instead. All my life, I had wanted to have my own Cartier ring. Aside from an established brand and service, for me, this ring represents a French line of jewelry that is eternal as Paris itself. It is a symbol of my financial security and I celebrated it with a Cartier. I am terribly attached to it. It is important to recognize what attracts us to the brands, to define the reason and the behavior and to then decide whether it is serving us or taking away from us. Are we searching in vain for some illusion of status in society of friends or strangers, or do we really and truly desire that top brand for our own use and reasons?

All Things Luxurious And Opulent

I happen to consider wealth a very good thing with the right perspective and intention. When society “blames” wealth as a downfall of celebrities, obscenely wealthy people, or those ‘lucky’ lottery winners, I shudder. Wealth has no will of its own. Wealth does not talk, walk or make decisions. People do. And it is people who fail or succeed. There is no one to blame but ourselves if our wealth brings us misery. Wealth is an instrument that can be used for good or not-so-good. We are the judge. If we are a grounded person, with firm values and a purpose and plan in our life, wealth can be the great enabler in our path. Luxury and opulence then, may they be our just reward. It is when wealth is sought for the sake of accumulation of wealth that misery usually arises. It is when there is no plan or purpose for the wealth that over-indulgence and over-consumption patterns emerge. People can do as they wish but the latter is usually destructive, and the former, often highly constructive. The choice lies within us.

Embracing The Material World In The Right Light

Materialism is a concept, and material things are just that – things. We are the ones attaching value, notions, ideas, status, illusions, and assumptions to them. Why not let them serve us instead?

Be it a luxury life, a Chanel bag, a simple memento from a friend long since departed, or an old beloved book, I want to challenge you to find reasons to embrace the material possessions of your life. Take pleasure and delight of the things that have a meaning to you, things that bring you joy, happiness, smiles, and at times, closer to your memories. Be grateful, be selective, be true to what you like, and practice balance in all things, even in the art of attachment to materialism.